The Space Between Playing Small and Overdoing It
How Women Rise - Habits 9 & 10
Minimizing vs. Being "Too Much" - Finding the Sweet Spot in Between.
This week, we’re combining How Women Rise Habit #9 (Minimizing) and Habit #10 (Being Too Much) because they’re two sides of the same coin - a constant push-pull we experience at work, at home, and especially as the holidays approach. It’s the impossible pressure of being all things to all people, the very thing America Ferrera named so brilliantly in the Barbie movie. That monologue hit so many of us in the chest because it spoke to the contradiction we live with daily: Be more. But not that much. Speak up. But not like that. Be confident. But softer, please.
Real Life Examples You Know Well:
Think about the areas where you feel you have minimized yourself or your work, and also areas where you felt or were told you were too much. Some of these may resonate:
At work: You present a brilliant idea… and immediately downplay it with “This might be a stupid question but…” or “I’m not totally sure, but…”
Or, on the flip side, you push so hard for clarity, fairness, or excellence, that you fear being labeled “intense,” “persistent,” or “overly invested.”
At home: You try to plan a holiday that makes everyone happy, and in doing so you’re either taking on “too much,” or when you simplify and set boundaries you feel like you’re “not doing enough.”
With family: You hold space for everyone’s emotions and then wonder why you feel depleted. Or you finally express what you want… and feel guilty for taking up space.
This is the mental load women carry. It is exhausting and it can be holding you back. But there is a truth here that we often forget - Your authentic self is your greatest advantage.
Yes, I know authenticity is an overplayed corporate jargon word now (which is unfortunate because it truly is your superpower). But when you show up as you - not minimized, not overcorrected - the wrong people naturally fall away and the right people rise with you.
The ones who see your clarity as strength, your energy as passion, your boundaries as leadership, and your voice as value - these are the people who will gravitate towards you when you are centered in being who you really are.
Why We Minimize (Habit 9)
Women minimize to keep the peace, stay likable, and avoid being perceived as difficult. Many of us were trained (explicitly or not) to make ourselves smaller so others could feel comfortable. Minimizing helped us survive certain rooms, but it won’t help us rise.
Why We Go Into Overdrive (Habit 10)
When women do take up space, many of us feel we have to prove we deserve it. So we pile on, push hard, overexplain, overprepare, and overdeliver. This can look like:
Offering too many details in a meeting
Talking in circles to make a point land
Becoming the default emotional anchor for family gatherings
Overcompensating for others’ comfort
It’s not that we’re “too much", it’s that we’ve been asked to carry more than our fair share. So how do we find the middle?
Not minimizing. Not spiraling into “too muchness.” But a grounded, confident, authentic center.
Here’s the sweet spot:
1. State your value without a disclaimer - Say what you know. Trust it. Offer it. Full stop.
2. Let other people own their reactions - Your confidence is not “too much.” Their discomfort is not your responsibility.
3. Choose where your energy goes this holiday season - You don’t have to overperform or over-host. And you don’t have to shrink yourself to keep the peace. Healthy boundaries are leadership, both at work and at home.
4. Remember authenticity is a filter - It filters out the wrong environments, and it magnetizes the right ones. The teams, leaders, and people who want you to rise will recognize you instantly when you’re being your real self.
The bottom line is you are not too little. You are not too much. You are simply you: powerful, capable, and rising.
And when you stand confidently in the middle of not shrinking and not overcompensating, your world aligns. The right opportunities, the right people, and the right support all show up.
Because the people who are meant to rise with you want the real you - not the edited version.
If you want help finding that sweet spot between minimizing and overdoing, reply to this email. This is the work I love helping women navigate every day.
Cheers to being in the sweet spot,
Sharon
PS - Here are the 12 Habits we are walking through (from How Women Rise by Sally Helgesen and Marshall Goldsmith) - Links to previous newsletters:
1 - Reluctance to Claim Your Achievements
2 - Expecting Others to Spontaneously Notice and Reward Your Contributions
3 - Overvaluing Expertise
4 - Building Rather than Leveraging Relationships
5 - Failing to Enlist Allies from Day One
6 - Putting Your Job Before Your Career
7 - The Perfection Trap
8 - The Disease to Please
9 - Minimizing
10 - Too Much
11 - Ruminating
12 - Letting Your Radar Distract You
We all need support
You are not alone. The reason these habits resonate is because they are common and difficult to overcome on our own. I help women define what success means to them and achieve it with more joy and less stress. We figure out the habits that are helping you and ones holding you back so we can adjust accordingly. Imagine feeling fulfilled, happy, AND successful? It is totally possible, with the right support.
The first step is to schedule a free 30-minute strategy session to explore where you are and where you want to be. SCHEDULE HERE. It takes 30 seconds to schedule and will help you move forward. Don't delay! I'm offering discounts to those that schedule this call before the end of November.
Life is too short to stay stressed and stuck. Don't let another season slip by. I've helped so many people reclaim their life. I will help you too.
