Your Connections = Your Untapped Advantage
How Women Rise
We’re diving into Habit #4 from How Women Rise: the tendency to build relationships beautifully, but hesitate to leverage them. I see this all the time in my coaching practice - women who are deeply connected, highly trusted, and yet feel uncomfortable asking for introductions, feedback, or visibility. If we focus on letting go of the habits holding us back, we will not only reach our goals this year-end, we will set ourselves up to skyrocket at the start of the new year!
Habit 4: Building Rather than Leveraging Relationships
Let’s get real - many of my clients have been taught that “using” connections feels transactional or self-serving. But leveraging relationships isn’t manipulation, it’s mutual support in motion.
Take one of my clients, a senior manager in pharma. She had built incredible credibility across departments. Everyone loved working with her. But when a director role opened up, she didn’t reach out to the VP she’d collaborated with for years because she “didn’t want to make it weird.”
When we reframed it - that she wasn’t asking for a favor, she was sharing her readiness and interest - she not only reached out, she got the interview. And the promotion!
On a personal level, I’ve been there too. Early in my business, I used to hesitate before asking a past client for a referral or testimonial. I told myself I didn’t want to impose.
But when I finally started asking warmly and authentically, something shifted. My clients were thrilled to share their experiences. They wanted to help. I just needed to give them the opportunity.
Here’s the other side of this habit that often gets overlooked: We hold back from leveraging relationships because we forget that we have something to offer, too. When you remember the value you provide, including your insight, your empathy, and your ability to connect people or offer perspective, the dynamic shifts.
It stops feeling like an ask and starts feeling like an exchange.
You’re not “using” anyone; you’re participating in a reciprocal relationship built on respect and mutual benefit. This is how the world works. When I am at conferences, I see it in action. The men (generally speaking) meet someone and are immediately asking for common connections, who they know at the organization they are interested in, and who else they can introduce them to.
They aren't waiting for someone to offer. They show up with the expectation that when they meet someone, they will ask for something they need or want, and the other person will ask them as well.
You’ve likely already done the work of building meaningful connections - that’s your superpower. Now it’s about pairing that connection with confidence and clarity:
Be clear on what you want people to know, think, or say about you
Make it easy for them to help you, be specific in what you ask
Recognize that you bring value to the table too
Remember: reciprocity is natural - you’ll do the same for others
Ask yourself:
Where have I been afraid to ask for support, visibility, or advocacy?
Who already knows my work but might not know my next goal?
What do I bring to my relationships that others value?
How can I take one small step this week to connect more intentionally?
The moment you recognize your own value, every connection becomes an opportunity for shared success.
Next week, we’ll dive into Habit #5: Failing to enlist allies from day one, which builds perfectly on this one.
Until then, keep showing up for yourself as fully as you do for everyone else.
Cheers to leveraging your relationships,
Sharon
PS - Here are the 12 Habits we are walking through (from How Women Rise by Sally Helgesen and Marshall Goldsmith) - Links to previous newsletters:
1 - Reluctance to Claim Your Achievements
2 - Expecting Others to Spontaneously Notice and Reward Your Contributions
3 - Overvaluing Expertise
4 - Building Rather than Leveraging Relationships
5 - Failing to Enlist Allies from Day One
6 - Putting Your Job Before Your Career
7 - The Perfection Trap
8 - The Disease to Please
9 - Minimizing
10 - Too Much
11 - Ruminating
12 - Letting Your Radar Distract You
Find Your Sweet Spot and Thrive
It's not too late! TODAY - Friday, October 10, I’m hosting a free 60-minute workshop: “Between Hustle & Harmony: Finding Your Sweet Spot.” It’s a gentle reset before the end-of-year chaos kicks in so you can continue to rise AND enjoy this life you are working so hard for!
We’ll walk through:
What it means to move beyond the buzzword of boundaries
How to identify your real non-negotiables
Why your ambition and your well-being don’t have to compete
How to create space that actually supports your success (instead of adding another thing to your to-do list)
We’ll make time for you to think through it all and capture it in the included workbook.
🎯 If you’ve been craving clarity…
💡 If you’re tired of swinging between burnout and avoidance…
📅 If today feels like a good day to reclaim a little bit of you...
Click HERE to grab your (free) seat.
Missed it? Let's chat one-on-one. I offer a free 30-minute strategy to help you get unstuck. SCHEDULE HERE.
Life is too short to stay stressed and stuck. Don't let another season slip by. I've helped so many people reclaim their life. I can help you too.
